The sunlight peeking through the slatted blinds gave her pale skin a faint glow. I watched her bounce side to side, lightheartedly dancing to the song that was playing off my iTunes. She was the happiest I’d seen her since the day in December we drove 200 miles together. I couldn’t think of anything other than how much I really, really, loved her. It was such an overwhelming feeling that I felt a lump in my throat. I wondered if she loved me the same way I loved her, I figured even if she didn’t I’d forgive her because I wasn’t particularly the best person alive. I’m scrawny & gaptoothed with hornrimmed glasses, I was lucky to have somebody like her to begin with, yet alone have her love me even a little.
She was the perfect girl for me & I knew it prior to knowing her personally. She could go from singing some obscure 90’s RnB song in a purposely terrible fashion to ranting her heart away in a complex conversation about Stanley Kubrick. Before I had her I wasted my time for a year on a rich & conceited girl who was too pretentious to tolerate, it’s nice to have somebody who’s the complete opposite. I never thought I would find anybody like her in my life, it’s unreal to think about the fact that we even came to end up how we did. I’m thankful for every action that was made exactly when it was throughout the extensive history of humanity that ended up bringing us together. I used to be terrified of my own mortality. I was constantly disappointed that I was born into a life that turned out to be pretty great only to continually lose a fraction of it. Now I’m just grateful that I found a person worthy of spending my dwindling existence with.
I know it’s considered really lame to express yourself honestly in 2014 but everybody reading this will die too so it doesn’t matter. Everybody’s existence is an hourglass with an unfair amount of sand, you should do everything and anything you can to make the most of it. My only goal in this confusing situation we all share & accept as life is to make her proud. I want her to feel a secondhand sense of accomplishment. I want her to feel alive no matter how aware we both are that this won’t last forever.